The Help, The Debt, and The Responsibility

Good day to you dear friends 😊

Today’s topic will be umm quite serious, but i guarantee that you will get my point easily as usual.

And again i am sharing not to show you that i’m perfect, but this is for my reminder also 🙂


Lately, people around me were struggle about the topic that i’m going to discuss with you.

They struggle about helping their friends/relative who want to lend some amount of money.

The struggle comes because they’re afraid this money thingy will end the friendship if the person they give the money disappoint them. It’s a common trust issue.
what do i personally think about it? I will divide it into 3 subs: The Help, The Debt, and The Responsibility

Here you go!


The Help

Let us help with sincerity. If you feel like helping, help without terms and conditions.

Give your help freely without thinking what the benefit or what you get in return. Don’t think about the “pay back” day.

Give, and forget.

Let your help, goodness, and sincerity be count in Heaven. Because God never sleeps.

The person you help today might not be the one who will help you in time of need. But by helping others, surely God will send the other bunch to help you when you need it the most.

I don’t say this to look good or holy coz i am totally not. But i speak based on my experience.

I never lose a good thing or become unfortunate by helping others. Yes though most of them end up disappoint me, God is never! Always. And forever.

He pours me with more blessings and favors. So i will not stop doing good things as long as i could do it.

The Debt

Give them gradually if you think you can’t trust them.

For example, they need $500. You can give them $200 first. If they really show you the fact that they really need the money, you can always give it again.

Now how will you know if they really need those money or not?Social media!

90% of the people post their activities on social media. Or if they not, their friends will tag them.

Be a creative and smart stalker lol!

People in need won’t go around having fun, dine in expensive places, buy expensive things, on vacation, and else.

Or you can always give them the full amount. But if they come to ask more money, and you see that their life is good, you can make an excuse.

That’s how i do it all the time.

I’m not being picky, not sincere, or stingy.

I do reallt think that It’s a smart and wise move.

It’s good to teach and help people free from their bad habit of lending money.

The Responsibility

Be grateful if there’s people who help you.

They may not in the state of settle down as you think you know, yet they care and spare it for you. (Even if they are settle down and rich, you still need to show some manners)

So you must be responsible!

It is a good thing to still reward yourself for the hardwork, or show some love to your loved ones by buying them presents or treat them a good meal.

It is normal if it is happen twice a week, once in a month, or even lesser.

But if you hang out every weekend, spending big sums to fulfill your desire… Whom you think will trust you and help you again? I don’t say that you need to look poor and miserable. Just act accordingly.

If you can afford to have fun, you should give a good intention of paying them back.

Gradually if you can’t give it full amount yet.

Or at least, text them and discuss about your responsibility.


Please have conscience.

The person who help you may waive it and tell you not to repay the money. But unless so, it is still your responsibility.

I always reject if they repay the money. If they insist, i will receive it and whenever they need help, i will always be there and never think about how they gonna pay that back this time.

My parents teach me to help and never think about it. I have prepared my mental whenever i give.

Still, i am a human. I respect good intention, moral and ethic.

My parents also teach me never to forget the responsibility i carry if someone help me and i always do that.

And that’s why i have high expectation and want to be treated just equal to how i treat people, or….. i will lose hope and respect toward you. Until you show your good intention.


That’s my personal view and belief about this case.

Disappointed many times, but i still give chance to people. I can’t just judge them all on the same weight.

That’s why i need to be wise and smart about it.

Give, as long as i can give. But if they don’t show they really need it and never have a good intention about it, i won’t give second chance.

But i will always help others.

The problem with people nowadays is they always think that YOU MUST HELP.


If you realized how much God has added more and more to those who are generous, you must realize too that consequences also exist for those who ignore.

It’s not only my belief or the lesson that my religion has taught me.

It is the law of the nature.

Applied to all mankind whether you like it or not.

So let us all be good and treat other as how you want to be treated. Have conscience. Have moral. Have ethic. And good manners.

Have a good day ❤️

Let’s stay connected: Instagram | Facebook


The Power of Essential Oils

Essential Oils have become a trend since 2017.

Many beauty influencers as well as mommies were purchasing these oils to boost the immune and detox their skin.

Because of the hype, i really curious to try how good the essential oils are but never really bought until recently (because some also multi level marketing, that’s what hinders me from buying. I am afraid that the price isn’t worth the hype)

Till one fine day, Darren won a Peppermint Young Living Oil from @the.essential.oils .

So i now, have the chance to prove it myself.

Young Living Peppermint Essential Oil

The Peppermint claimed to be excel in following areas:

Reduce fever

Allergy Relief

ADHD Support


Sinus Care

Joint Therapy and

Natural Energizer.

You can either dillute it, diffuse it as aromatherapy, or even apply topically, and drop few into your beverage.

I used the Peppermint for natural energizer and better respiratory when dealing with cold, cough and fever.

I pour 6 drops to my diffuser (bought this at @bunnyandclouds instagram. Mini, 7 warmth lighting, high area coverage, not noisy, auto shut off when water runs out) and put it on standby mode for 4 hours.

And how was it?

It really relieved the respiratory. The menthol was strong and delightful!

I totally love the smell and feeling.

It gives pleasure to my joint muscles.

But i do not drink or eat this, nor use it for anti itch, sinus care, ADHD, fever and allergy relief.

If you just heard about Young Living, this brand claimed to have the highest grade of oils. That’s why you can even drink few drops of the essential oils.

Now that this is not yet approved by FDA , do not used as the substitute of your doctor prescription.

After sometimes diffusing the peppermint, i find new hobby to lift up my spirit with fresh scent!

So i browse what could be better than Peppermint, and many said that i need oils for immune booster.

People will purchase Melrose, Purification, Thieves YLO for immune booster.

Thieves is about IDR 515k for 15 ml if you’re a member, Purification is around IDR 285K.

I don’t know about Melrose price, but i guess we need to spend IDR 1 mil to get perfect immune booster.

Now i am going to introduce you Indonesian local brand, Belli To Baby by JAMU.

Jamu has been widely known for their herbal medication and i am excited to know they has EO that they claimed could be used topically and aromatically too.

So i bought their immune booster oil, cost IDR 198k for 10ml.

The oil consist of:


Tea Tree


And Lemon.

Claimed to strengthen the body system, better skin, better respiratory and safe for baby.

The lavender and eucalyptus smell are the strongest here. I can directly identify the scent when i open the lid.

And today i have been diffusing this oil for quite long time and Darren’s immune also good.

He had a cough week ago and usually with the medicine intake, it will take 4-7 days for full recovery. But within 3 days, he has been doing well.

How happy mommy is! I don’t need to spend 1 mil or more for immune booster.

Please take a note that i don’t think oil was the medicine here. Darren recovered faster than before, but i do keep an eye to his meals, drinks, and the oil was just an additional.

By additional means this is not a must. I believe oral vitamins, or natural vitamins like good balance food and fruits and veggies, enough rest, and clean atmosphere still take 90% of it 🙂

I am highlighting that he’s doing well with Belli To Baby just to let you know that it doesn’t necessarily means we need to purchase the highest grade of oils or the expensive one.

After immune booster oil that has lavender, tea tree, eucalyptus and a lil bit of lemon on it….. i still have one more favorite scent.

Lemongrass Young Living Essential Oil

Lemongrass is good for:



Freshen the air


Anti cancer

And again, because this is from YLO, you can apply topically, pour into food and beverage, or diffuse.

For me, diffusing is favourite way to enjoy the oil!

My appetite always good even before using the oil, so i don’t see any wonder of this on myself.

I do apply the oil on Darren’s feet and stomach. They said it can help to boost appetite (it’s no longer a secret that Darren doesn’t like eat!!)

So was it work on Darren?

He did eat well and a lot! But is it because of YLO? I don’t think so.

I diffuse only once a week to refresh the air in the room. And apply on tummy and feet only once.

I don’t apply it on his skin ever more.

And don’t diffuse daily.

Nah if you ask me why he eats a lot lately, i think every child has a phase in their life. Moody, picky eaters, and after they pass the phase, they will eat well again. And now, his teeth also almost complete, and this promote to easy munching too.

That’s all about the health benefit. Now what about beauty benefits?

Lemongrass also believe to improve better skin complexion.

And i don’t see that this oil works for my skin.

Now if you ask me, how many times we need to use the oil…..

I will say, only if needed.

I don’t think it’s good to breathe the aromatherapy every day, even the purest oil has something on it. Come on!

Natural (fresh air) is the best!

So if you think you or your loved ones feel tired, exhausted.. Then it is good time to diffuse the oil.

Or three times a week to freshen the air on your home is also acceptable.

I don’t see it is necessary to diffuse everyday, everynight.

And most of the oil families use it almost daily and treat this eo as an alternative medicine.

I do believe that what makes you healthy and your immune improves aren’t the oils, but the habits.

It’s no way you will be healthy if you don’t tidy up the room, clean it, and eat balance food. Diffusing, drink the oil won’t help.

The oils here just an additional booster.

But again, i put the choice and action for you to take 🙂

Oh before i forget, i have read many companies that sell EO are now stated that it is PURE, COULD USE TOPICALLY, and DIFFUSE.

Remember that eo isn’t meant to be on direct contact with sensitive skin.

You need to dillute with natural oil like jojoba, grapeseed, or cold pressed extra virgin olive oil. (Unless your skin is not sensitive, then you can use it directly on skin. Please put small amount to test first)


Every family is unique. One might doing well with just a local brand essential oil. One might need the highest grade of oil. Many don’t even need oils to promote their better health.

Just use and buy what you believe is good for your family.

That’s what matter isn’t it? ❤️

I can derive my conclusion now…. Essential oil….

I love to have them to lift up my mood, my spirit and freshen the air.

I don’t treat eo as something that works wonder like medicine (but this is nature and organic) no no no…

It just a “supplement” in special condition 🙂

And what is a supplement? It means an additional only. Not a must.

Stay clean and healthy! Eat well, rest well, exercise well!

That’s the cheapest key to longer happier and healthier life ❤️ not buying specific essential oils 🙂

Have a great day!



In a world full of trends, i want to remain a classic

That sentence gonna be my forever favourite quote and reminder to self too.


This is not a usual way i am starting a blog post…..

Instead, you might find that the sentence and paragraph on this blog post is quite jumping here and there.

I do my own reflection as i type this.

So pardon the messy paragraph and i hope you guys still enjoy reading this and get something to hold on, to value yourself, and to stand for what you believe ❤️


Often, we lost our identity just to fit in into the crowds.

We can’t hold on to the value we once believe… Just because that’s too odd or old fashioned for others.

We know that some ideas are just wrong but we don’t have enough courage to stand and say NO.

Sad. Tragic.


Because we afraid that we don’t have somebody to be with us.

Someone cool enough to support us.

So we think that it will be better to be their echo.

We should have been loved and liked as who we really are.

We are not an alien or idiot just because we don’t agree in something.

Remain classic doesn’t always mean being one awkward, bored, and anti social or even disconnected / irrelevant to the world we live today.

Remain classic simply means holding on the value and live with it.

Live for what you believe.

Being irrelavant is when you shut your surrounding and can’t appreciate other opinion. But as long as you open for opinions and have dignity with what you choose to believe…..

You’re not a weirdo.

I remember how funny and sad it was when i saw an ads about Korean Beauty Pageant Contest. They all look almost the same.

I don’t want to be like that……

I want to wear my own crown and be recognized as the true me.

I want – the people around me, loves me as i am.

I have real friends, real families who know that i have a blog and writing stuffs.

If this is just a mask to look good for my readers, heyyy don’t you think they will laugh on me and tell their friends that i am a clown? A joke for the family?

But that’s not what happen to me.

Because i am what i am.

I remain myself. Not to follow the crowds. The wrong crowds.

I am not a saint. I have bad temper and easily annoyed too.

But be it in a good mood or bad mood, i always show them my true color.

If i kind to you, it’s genuine.

If i angry and shout… i really mean it.

Finish with my anger, still not talking to you, means i still don’t like you.

Finish with the fight and i say hello and make conversation, means i don’t have hatred on my heart. It’s all clear 🙂

I don’t need to be like the crowd. Faking the smile and talk bad behind you.

Because even a fake smile could easily be sensed by others.

So in all things, just remember to stay genuine 🙂

And be the classic you. That the world could rely… that the world would appreciate 🙂

Can you do that? Do you have courage?

It’s still February. It’s not too late to start a fresh genuine “you and me” and to end the year strong!

Let’s become unique, let’s become a voice and not an echo.

Let’s become the model, not the copycat.

Let’s become the classic one.

Not the tragic one 🙂


I have finished typing this and i remember one important point.

Before others can love us the way we are, we must first love ourselves. Not in narcistic ways that think that ourselve is better than others…

But in the way that accepting who we really are.

Our background, our past, our mistakes, our flaws…. and make the best of it.

Not stuck on the same place, but go forward to embrace new blessings everyday… to a greater future.

One must be fully content about theirselves before loving others.

So remember to love yourself too 🙂 and be genuine.

Wishing you a great day!!

Planning a Holiday

Holiday season is here! Can you believe how fast time flies? I remember i started to think about my new resolution around this time last year and now……. Gosh!

Okay since this is a holiday season, i believe many of us have been busy planning for holiday. Good news is…. I will share with you my tips and tricks about planning a holiday.

My family always go for holiday together minimum twice a year. During Ramadhan and Christmas.

If the holiday was unplanned/sudden, we will just join tour. This is easier since we just need to pay them and the agent will arrange everything for us.

However if we’ve planned the holiday long before, we will become adventurer and wanderer in new country 🙂 which i kinda like ❤️

Busy arranging place to visit, food to eat, attractions to watch, till accomodation. All were prepared by ourselves.

So let’s start!

1. Find Itinerary

Thank God for internet. It’s a huge source for a wandering soul! Just type in the browser your destination, and thousand itineraries will be there for you to choose.

Study the itinerary and arrange it the way you like. You can definitely eliminate or adds on activity. The itinerary you got online is just for a basic guideline to make sure you don’t lost.

The itinerary will help you book your accomodation and planning your activity there.

This would take the most of your time. It’s really not easy to create your own itinerary.

Before, i used to complain almost all the itinerary that travel agents gave. But after travelling several times on my own, now i know how to be grateful to them and complain no more.

Still, in my personal view, i like to travel on my own coz everything is just the way i like it. The food, the hotel, the attractions, plus… no need to rush and wake up early 😂  and maybe this the only reason my family started to go without travel agent since 2015. We’re not a morning person.

2. Check The Weather

This is important! You don’t want to underdressed or overdressed. If you know the climate, the temperature, it will help you to pack your stuffs and prepare for a good OOTD picture 😁

3. Bring Travel Adaptor and Cable Extension

Another important things that always on my list. It is safe to bring one rather than buying on spot. Why? Because you never know when will you have the chance to buy or find the place to buy. So prepare one first.

For me, one travel adaptor is enough. Then i will use cable extension to share with the whole members. Easy to charge. No need to wait and put on queueing number 😁

4. Prepare First Aid Kit

Bandage, medicine to cure cough, cold, diarhea, gastric, headache and for food poisoning and vitamin c is a must.

5. Get Local Simcard

Make sure to stay connected with the internet when you travel. This is to help you find a map and search anythinh you need if you have no one to ask. Plus, you can upload your picture to social media 😁 and you don’t need to feel afraid or anxious if you accidentally separated from your group/family.

This is why i prefer simcard than renting a wifi router. I always buy local simcard everytime i travel to new country.

6. Extra Pouch For Safety

Are you worried about pickpocket? Or even worse, they could ripped your bag off and get your important stuffs?

I always have pouch attached inside my main bag. I always put extra cash, identity card, passport there. Just in case they ripped it, my important stuff still hanging securely ❤️

7. Be Brave

As you travel on your own, the risk of getting lost is higher. Not only los, sometimes it will be hard to find transportation to get to our next destination. And people seems not so friendly and helpful.

Be brave. This is the art of travelling on your own. Take this as a chance to go outside your comfort zone and become the true adventurer!

8. Set Your Budget


Budget is very important here. Please always remember your budget. Be flexible but don’t over exceed your budget.

It’s good to eat Chipottle or Panda Express or quick meal on convenience store, but it is great to try at least one nice meal at your destination. Find at Tripadvisor or other web to try the local recommendation for those worthy “michelin star” meal.

Last but not least…

9. Transportation Apps


Installing transportation apps is one of the smart move. You don’t need to queue long time for Bus or Taxi. You could always get a lift when you’re almost lost 😁

Not only UBER and friends, i do install some train maps too to ease my journey.

Anddddd that’s how i always plan my holiday. Simple but could give a real headache too! 😂 i hope you’re ready to plan yours by now 🙂

Season Greetings! Happy Holiday pallls!❤️

Acne Pair Cream and B2B6 Vitamin Review

Heyho! My blogging family and beloved readers!

We almost reach the end of 2017. Time flies so fast.

And here i am, still struggling with my acnes.

Yesss, acne is real problem for me over years!! My skin is sensitive and acne prone skin. That’s why i am longing for the best cure , coz after a while, my skin will get used to whatever medication/product and the recovery become slower (and some show no progress at all, *sob*)

So after a while struggle with my everyday breakouts (yesss, it’s here today, gone tomorrow, and comeback again at night, and the cycle continues.. i am extremely tired and annoyed), i finally tried:

B2B6 Vitamin and Pair Acne Cream.


Bought this at instagram. They open Japan PO and all the products they sold are authentic and they do test it for themselves! That’s why i have the confidence and purchase it myself (and some also endorsement, but heyyy, my review is honest and neutral. Sit back and relax 😁)

Let’s start with the vitamin.

B2B6 The famous vitamin taken by majority of Japanese daily to treat acnes.

Contains of :

20mg Vitamin B2

100mg Vitamin B6

110mg Vitamin C

107.7mg Yokunin Extract

1.4g As Protozoa Drug

40mg L-Cysteine

30mg Nicotic Acid Amide and,

0.05mg Vitamin H

And some partially pregelatinized starch, corn starch, hydroxypropyl cellulose, CMC-Ca, MG stearate, hypromellose, titanium oxide, talc, yellow No 5, iron sesquioxide.

Nah, why is it important to list them all? It’s because i want you to google it by yourself (to ensure you) and read that all those are normal and good and safe to be consumed.

Now, the dosage.

Best to be consumed 2 times a day, 1 pill each (15 years old and above) and 1 tablet a day if you’re at least 7 years old.

It works well to heal all acnes type, inconsistent menstrual period, pre-menstrual symptoms, mouth ulcers, sebums, whiteheads, rash, skin irritation, as well as helping the formation of collagen.

Now what about my personal justification? I love the vitamin! I browse all the ingredients and find detail information about it.

All the ingredients contained inside are really good for our body, our health.

I do not against this. I am a strong believer that sometimes we need to cure acnes from the inside. We need a better supplement to help our body reproduce the good and fight from within.

I experience no side effects. In fact, i consumed for 3 days and had visible result on the 4th day.

Better complexion, a healed breakout, no dry skin on the troubled areas.

Next is the Pair Cream.

Pair Acne Cream This is number 1 best selling and most wanted cream.

Contains of:

30mg Ibuprofen Piconol

3mg Isopropylmethylphenol

Stearyl alcohol, polysorbate 60, disodium edetate, paraben, diisopropanolamine, octyldodecanol, 1,3-butyleneglycol, carboxyvinyl, polymer and fragrance.

Recommended for acne prone skin, (to heal any type of acnes), skin eruptions.

Why do i love this Pair Cream? The cream is light! My skin could absorb this cream fast, so i don’t need to wait longer to apply my skincare routine and makeup.

This cream could be used multiple times a day as needed. Very light scented. Not greasy, not oily, not sticky.

And effective to treat my breakouts!

The dry skin around my breakout also soothen, well moisturized.

The cure process took a while for big acnes, but works fast for minor breakouts.

The only thing saddened me is this cream contains paraben. However, i do notice that most of the skincare products out there also contain paraben. And they have already test this out before selling, so sit back 😁

[Paraben is not a dangerous thing. It is some kind of preservative commonly used in cosmetic and pharmaceutical products]

Now let’s see the progress on my skin. I have better complexion after the 4th day.

My skin become moist, breakouts almost healed. You can see the visible improvement for yourself.

I have small tips for all of you who are going to buy and try these products.

Vitamins: You can try the 70 pills for a start. It is stated to get best result, consume 1 pill, twice a day.

I drink this every morning and before bed.

Pair Acne Cream: Don’t forget to wash your face first, then apply toner and essence (if any on your skincare routine), apply Pair Acne Cream on areas that need to be taken care of, then apply moisturizer on any other areas.

I don’t recommend to apply the cream after you spread your moisturizer onto the whole face, coz you will feel that this acne cream “doesn’t stay” or blend too well with the moisturizer. Like easily wiped amd gone. Such a waste right :,(

That’s why, for me, it is better to put no moisturizer on the breakouts.

I apply this cream 5 times a day.

The key for the maximum result is the consistency in everyday usage. It is important to stay committed!

Now if you ask me how long you need to take the pills and use the cream, i have very diplomatic answer to that.

Use the cream only if you need them. When acnes come, apply the cream regularly. When the acnes gone, stop applying the cream. This cream is not for eliminating redness and acnes scar, okay?

For the vitamins, if you have already opened the bottle, then finished it. If that’s your second bottle and you think your skin is back to normal, finish it then you can stop.

Why? Because it is real vitamin! So you don’t need to be worry to consume that.

I almost finish my first 70 pills, and i am going to continue to my second bottle. Just to maintain the good hormone inside of me. I am going to take another bottles in the future, when my breakouts get worse again.


So are you going to give it a try? You can check on Instagram to place your order. And do read their testimonies to enlightened your curiosity.

For my fellow bloggers and readers outside Indonesia, you can try to browse them. Or if you happen to be in Japan, you can find these 2 easily.

If you want to discuss this with me, you can drop a comment below 🙂 I will assist you.

** Disclaimer: Products used were some endorsements and some i purchase myself. What stated above is true and honest from my personal experience. I never published a review that is not experienced personally by me.

Letter to Friends

Setiap kali ada topic soal “Bullying” aku selalu panas dan merasa sebel.

Aku rasa semua dari kita pasti benci juga ya sama namanya di-bully.

Kalo aku jujur, aku ngga terlalu sakit jadi korban dari kejahilan dan nakalnya anak jaman sekolah. Dikatain “kurus” “item” , barang disembunyiin. Kursi didorong sampe kecepit di antara bangku sekolah…..

Aku punya pengalaman lebih pahit dinilai sebagai Pembully.

Ini kejadiannya lama banget. Jaman aku sekolah dulu.

Aku dulu bergaulnya ngga pinter. Pada satu masa, dieksklusifin cuman segerombol itu juga mau aja. Singkat cerita gerombolannya pecah semua dan pindah. Cewenya tinggal aku dan si A.

Si A tipe yang jarang masuk sekolah, bolos. Karena selalu bergerombol sama mereka aja, aku jujur merasa kesepian banget kalo si A ngga masuk.

Akhirnya aku bilang “kalo kamu ngga masuk, kasih tau. Aku juga bakal bolos”.

Suatu kali kita berantem karena satu hal yang aku ngga inget udahan. Tapi aku inget banget aku emang keterlaluan dan katain dia “bitch”.

One thing that i regret saying that time… Kalo jaman sekarang ngatain “bitch” gitu uda malah kayak panggilan ke BFF ya.

Pada jaman itu kasar. Dan aku tau aku salah.

I did apologize later on and it was fine…. Gitu yang aku pikir.

Ternyata ngga demikian sama si A.

Dia memendam itu dan kalo bahasa kasar aku jadi halu dianya.

Dia mulai ngga masuk sekolah terusan. Lalu dia lapor bilang katanya aku ngancam dia kalo dia harus selalu laporan sama aku. Lalu dia bilang aku mau bunuh dia kalo ke mall jadi dia takut banget.

Dia bilang aku sobek kertas ulangan dia karena nilainya lebih bagus.

Dia bilang kalo aku ngga gosok gigi. Dia bilang kalo pinjem uang sama aku, bakal aku tagih sampe ke sen paling kecil.

Dia adukan ini semua ke Kepala Sekolah dan aku dipanggil selama beberapa hari.

Aku masih kecil ya. Ngga bisa mikir. Aku cuman stress aja bilang aku ngga ngelakuin itu semua. Aku jelasin ceritanya yang bener.

Aku ngga pernah ngancam, ngga pernah sobek ulangan dia, ngga pernah nagih kalo kasih pinjeman uang, gosok gigi .

Singkat cerita Kepala Sekolah cuman bilang aku salah uda ngatain “bitch” dan harus berubah. Tapi rumor uda kesebar.

Seluruh angkatan aku taunya aku bikin gila temen aku. Aku sadis. Aku ini penagih utang. Dan julukan lainnya.

Konyolnya anak kecil, ngga ada yang berani bergaul sama aku karena takut nanti bisa gila juga.

Ohh kata-kata gila itu aku juga ngga tau gimana munculnya. Mereka menilai si A jadi gila.

Lalu kejadian makin aneh.

Satu siang mama si A dateng ke rumah. Kenalan. Memuji aku. Bilang aku ini BFF anaknya. Anaknya ceritain banyak hal tentang aku. Bahkan dia pengen aku jadi anak angkat dia supaya bisa sodaraan sama si A.

Besoknya dia dateng rumah teriak-teriak bilang aku bikin anaknya jadi stress dan depresi.

Besoknya dateng lagi minta maaf bilang aku anak baik, pengen kerja sama bareng papa mama aku buat kerjaan.

Esoknya marah-marah.

Sampe my mom ngga terima dan ke Kepala Sekolah. Mami aku bilang kalo mami si A berani dateng ke rumah lagi, mami aku bakal bawa kasus ke pengadilan dan perkarakan ini ke lembaga sekolah.

Lalu Kepala Sekolah dan guru BP minta maaf dan bilang setelah melalui beberapa rangkaian pemeriksaan terhadap si A, si A dinyatakan kondisinya memang “labil” dan ceritanya banyak karangan dan menyatakan aku ngga salah.

Tapi temen-temen ngga ada yang tau.

Aku cuman bisa ceritain ke beberapa temen yang berani samperin aku dan hibur aku. Ke beberapa yang kenal aku sejak kecil, cuman ke mereka aku bisa cerita. Sayangnya kita beda kelas.

Jadi cuman saat istirahat aku bisa merasa tenang punya temen.

Sekelas aku benci aku. Belum lagi kalo istirahat sendirian belom ketemu temen aku, ada aja yang bakal nyinyirin dan gosipin.

Aku jadi males. 8 jam pelajaran, aku bisa 6 jam ke UKS bilang sakit. Lalu sering bolos.

Wali Kelas aku cukup tanggap dan bilang kalo dia percaya sama aku. Kalo aku kayak gini, aku cuma ngerugiin diri aku sendiri. Aku harus bangkit.

Dia bilang juga, kalo aku baiknya tulus, orang pasti tau. Temen-temen yang awalnya uda menutup hati pasti jadi tau juga.

Dari sana aku sedikit bangkit.

Pelan-pelan membuka diri lagi.

Dan temen-temen pelan-pelan kenal aku lagi. Dan bilang “lohh kamu kok beda ya sama kata si A? Kamu ga kayak yang dia bilang sama sekali. Padahal awal bertemen aku jujur takut sama kamu, Ngel”

Waktu terus berlalu. Kita naik kelas. Tiap naik kelas, ketemu temen baru, pasti aja ada yang bikin itu bercandaan dan bilang “hati-hati sama Angel, nanti kita dibikin gila loh…” lalu mereka ketawa geli.

Beberapa masa lalu, si A masih merasa dia korban bully aku. Dia pernah wawancara dengan media untuk campaign aksi Bully ini.

Waktu berita keluar, bahkan saat itu aku tinggal di luar negri buat sekolah. Temen-temen bisa BB in itu. (Iya jaman blackberry masih berjaya). Ngetawain bilang “ihh Angel famous nihhhhh walo namanya disunting tapi kita tau itu kamu hahahahahaha.” Lalu chatnya diakhirin dengan kata “sabar ya. Kita percaya kamu. Kamu ngga gitu”

Tapi tetep dijadiin bercandaan kan. Tetep melekat sepanjang masa.


Kalo ditanya aku sama si A gimana sekarang. Sejak kejadian itu kita ngga pernah ketemu sama sekali.

Aku cuman pernah sekali ninggalin pesen di Facebook gara-gara aku terakhir suka mimpi bertemen lagi sama dia sampe tua. Di message FB aku bilang kalo aku minta maaf kalo aku dulu punya salah. Aku tau aku ngomong kurang ajar. Dia merasa dia victim, tapi yang terjadi sama aku juga lebih buruk. Lalu aku bilang kalo kamu uda maafin, approved aja friend requestnya.

Dan di approve.

Baru waktu gede ini, beberapa tahun lalu sempet kita ketemu di ClubHouse. Awkward.

Aku dengan sengaja pura-pura ngga lihat. Temen aku yang notice langsung bantuin dengan terus ngajakin aku cerita-cerita jadi aku ngga perlu liat kehadiran si A.

Tapi akhirnya si A nyapa. Tanya kabar. Dan selesai.


Jujur aku ngga tau mau bereaksi apa.

Kalo dibilang apa iya dia uda beneran maafin, tapi kok ya media menulis begitu. Jadi mungkin belum maafin.

Lalu kalo nyapa lalu malah berantem? Apa iya dia inget aku juga karena aku uda apus Facebook lama banget.

I am a coward. I admit that.

Tapi ada 1 yang mau aku sampaikan…..

Kalo soal bully…. jangan hanya dengar 1 cerita dari 1 sisi.

Dengarkan semua.

Cari tau kebenarannya.

Ketika kalian menjauhi yang kalian anggap “pembully” itu. Atau ikut mengolok-olok padahal dia berusaha menjelaskan atau bahkan dia berubah, kalian juga udah jadi pembully itu sendiri.

Just be wise. Yang bertikai biarlah menyelesaikan sendiri. Yang berwajib biarlah menilai dan menegakkan kebenaran.

Sisanya….. Jangan ikut campur dan berlakulah adil.

Dan sekali lagi mohon baca ini untuk membedakan:

Buat orang tua, jangan terbawa emosi. Cari tau dan selesaikan dengan jalan terbaik.

Buat yang lain…. apa itu bully? Apa itu beneran kasus bully? Apa dia boleh diperlakukan seperti itu sebagai hukuman kalian? Let’s check first…

A special thanks to my dearest teacher… Aku ngga bisa sebutin namanya. Ibu Guru A, terima kasih sekali atas kepercayaan dan dorongannya setiap hari. Kalau Ibu ngga pernah datang ke UKS dan selalu minta ketemu saya sebelum atau sesudah kelas, saya pasti sudah menyerah lama.

To my dearest friends Tine, Jane, YC, who support me during my lowest point that time.

Ngga peduli apa kata yang lain, kalian bertemen sama aku, dengerin aku, cheering me during the break. Itu berarti banget buat aku. Tanpa kalian saat itu, aku yakin aku uda out dari sekolah dan ga tau jadi apa.

Buat Angel, Selvi, Cyn, Manda…. 4 orang pertama yang beraniin diri ngajak aku gabung di kelas yang uda ngucilin aku…..

Walopun kalian takut banget sama aku…. tapi kalian mau temenan.

Sampe kita uda deket dan ngetawain kok bisa aku ngalamin kejadian ini, kok bisa dulu kalian percaya cerita dan takut sama aku…

Kalo ngga ada kalian juga… Aku ngga mungkin bertahan di kelas.

And to my forever and ever BFF….. Jo, Jinju, Yua, Lilo… Yang kenal aku luar biasa….. Buat selalu support aku. Jadi yang mengingatkan aku pas lagi salah. Tapi ngga malu buat berdiri dan bela aku kalo ada yang jelekin aku. Walaupun bukan kenal di masa kejadian di atas, tapi setelahnya ada banyak hal lain yang kalian udah nunjukin kalo persahabatan kita tahan ujian.

And to you A…. i’m deeply sorry for what i’ve done.

I spent years after that regretting the one word that made this all happened. They recognized me as the evil one. They made fun of me, they took it as the best joke ever portraying me as the clown.

It was hard on me too.

Aku memang salah bicara, jadikan aku list orang bermulut kasar ngga berpendidikanmu. But don’t put my name dalam cerita ancaman, sobek nilai ulangan dan cerita lainnya yang ngga exist…

And deep inside, i do think we really make a good frienship kalo semua itu ngga pernah kejadian. I lost a good friend too. Yes.. You are one of the bests.

Feeling Good About Yourself

Good day friends!

How are you doing today?

It’s been awhile from the last time i share on my “girl’s talk” category.

Do you feel happy, mad, or sad now?

Coz today i am gonna share about how i manage to feel good about myself in such situation.

I am an ordinary woman with thousand of problems daily.

I can become very moody, feeling hurt, annoyed, happy, mad, and extremely temperament depend on my heart’s situation.

When the blood pressure getting high and intense (read: may explode anytime soon), or when i am in my lowest point (read: tsunami of tears soon) i’d like to take deep breath and sit down.

Then i will do anything that would make me feel great about myself.

Oh this is not the battle of the mind whether i am making an excuse of things that i’ve done (or going to do) or not…

Make me feel great about myself here simply means doing things to relax my mind and tension.

What I Love

I love to take a quick nap. This is the best cure for my exhaust mind.

Before napping, i usually would do a chit-chat (grumbling) to God 😂 followed with an apology and off to sleep.

Wake up with peaceful state of mind, i usually take a shower to refresh the body.And then…

The fun begins.

I will lock up my room and read my favourite book, listen to comforting music, and…. light on scented candle (if there is one).

The fun does not stop there. I have bunch of wonderfully smell good body lotion.

I love to apply it on my skin. Feeling fresh, smell good, and then i do feel good about myself.

But that’s not how i am gonna end my day.

Feeling good on the outside is great. But no one can deceive an empty heart (whether you’re too angry or too sad, you’ll feel that empty huge hole inside the heart)

The greatest move is about to come. It is to ask forgiveness whether you’re wrong or right.

Apology here doesn’t mean we are weak, wrong, or sinner.

It is simply means that we have big enough heart to humble ourself.

Apology comes with sincerity.

After that, i will definitely feel greaaaat about myself.

That empty hole is now filled with warmth and peace.

Don’t hold back or wait other to say “sorry” first. It will make your heart heavy.

Start doing good things to make yourself alive. To feel good (but not pretending to be that good person okay… Sincerity is the key here)

What if, you’re not in a mood to say sorry?

Tell you what, i have been on that position my whole life too! But practice makes perfect.

I know for sure whenever i hold back, my days will get darker. So i better to end it soon.

Find perfect timing. And then, shoot the bullet.

I know it will feel awkward, might be shameful too. But once you get over it, you’ll jump for joy! I guess that is worth it.

Afterall, don’t we like and need a good day? So let’s create one.

No matter how sad or angry you are, remember to treat yourself good and be glad about yourself.

Don’t forget to be happy today. ❤️

Sixth Sense

Not many of my friends know that i have interest in anything horror and had experience myself. Only my SOT friends know about this.

Ini dikarenakan emang mereka ngga ada yang demen nonton horor juga sih, jadi topik ini selalu luput dari pembicaraan kita.

Only my family know about it…

Nah hari ini aku mau berbagi pengalaman gara-gara semalem yang seru banget bahas horor sama adek aku. Jadi flashback lah kita ceritanya 😊

Kalo ditanya apa di keluarga aku (dan mama papa dan kakek nenek) ada ngga yang bisa ngeliat atau cukup peka.. jawabannya "TIDAK ADA". Tapi ga tau juga kenapa aku sama adek aku sendirian yang kadang bisa peka dan sensitive.

Pengalaman pertama itu awalnya waktu aku masih TK atau SD.
Misal ada barang jatuh, menggelinding ke bawah entah di mana kan. Aku tinggal tutup mata. Lalu aku bisa liat where the thing is located, exactly!

Bahkan kalo adek aku cari barang, dia tinggal suruh aku tutup mata and voila! I know di mana lokasinya dan dia jadi gampang ambil barang dia.

Beberapa kali waktu ulangan sekolah juga waktu aku mau jawab pertanyaan, aku bisa kayak inget bukunya, halamannya, kata-katanya persis, but that time i thought i just studied too hard. Ngapalinnya terlalu kuat aja sampe inget semua gitu.
Perjumpaan Pertama

Ini terjadi waktu aku pindahan ke salah satu kompleks perumahan di Surabaya Timur.

Aku dan keluarga percaya kalo pindahan gitu mesti selametan yah. Kalo as a Christian, kita sebutnya house warming. Ada Pak Pendeta yang mendoakan dan memberkati rumah, lalu ada jamuan makan buat sodara dan temen deket.

Waktu ditengah-tengah mini ibadah ini, waktu aku nutup mata, aku bisa liat pocong.

"Apa itu bukan bayanganmu sendiri?" Sebelumnya sih aku ngga pernah bayang-bayangin hantu yah. Jadi aku cukup kaget. Aku bilang aja ke pendetanya dan dia juga nemuin hiasan patung yang dia bilang ada isinya.

Sejak saat itu aku lebih sering denger dan ngebau hal-hal yang ngga dirasain orang lain.

Kayak malem-malem suara barang pecah, aku sama adek aku lari keluar ternyata ga ada apa-apa.

Satu malem lagi ada anjing melolong kenceng banget, mami papi aku ngga denger apa-apa.

Belum lagi malam-malam lain kita bisa bau bunga, bau sesajen, bau dupa, bau-bau khas lainnya. Sampe paling seru aku bisa tau ada sosok perempuan serem banget di kamar aku dan lagi tidur di samping adek aku.
Suasana hening banget….
Aku bilang ke adek aku "dek…. ada sesuatu yah…"
Dan adek aku jawab "iya ce.. makanya aku daritadi diem tutupan selimut"
Aku bilang lagi "di sebelahmu ya"
Hening…. doa masing-masing, tidur dalem takut.

Tapi ya sekali lagi semuanya aku liat waktu aku tutup mata yah… aku ngga pernah liat dengan mata terbuka.

Belum lagi waktu retreat juga gitu. Waktu tutup mata aku bisa tau ada yang melayang-layang, lalu bisa tau ada wujud apa aja. Aku cuma kaget dan cerita. Ternyata menurut pembina yang bisa liat begituan, semua yang aku ceritain bener.

Atau waktu colleague aku nunjukin foto penampakan hantu anak kecil, yang lain teriak dan aku nolak liat. Kebetulan suami aku liat. Waktu perjalanan pulang, aku bilang ke suami aku "tadi muka anaknya bla bla bla bla gitu ya?" Dan dia kaget bilang "kok kamu tau? Kamu uda google?"

Semua dari aku tutup mata aja..

Sampe satu saat back to early 2010.. satu malem aku kebangun buat pee… di rumah lama di Timur.

Aku yang setengah sadar cuek aja buka kamar lalu jalan ke kamar mandi. Sepintas dalem gelap aku tau ada cowo rambut keriting lagi duduk dan ngerokok. Tapi aku cuek banget… Making my way to pee dan masuk kamar lagi.

Sampe di kamar, waktu pasang selimut, aku baru mikir "papi ngapain ya malem2 gelap2?" And then aku kaget banget "my dad's hair is not curly! And he doesn't smoke!" MANNNN!!!!

Paginya aku cerita cuman ya sekedar cerita lewat… ngga ada yang ambil pusing.
Sampe setelah lewat 1 taon, si mbak subuh-subuh mau pee juga kan. Dari belakang ngeliat di ruang tengah kok ada yang baca koran gelap-gelap.
Si mbak nekat aja masuk ruang keluarga, jalan lewatin orang itu. Dia bilang wajahnya papi aku, dan melotot liatin si mbak.
Si mbak nyalain lampu dannnn….. korannya melayang jatuh ke bawah… no one there..

Dia histeris langsung bangunin serumah…

I felt sorry for her 😆😆😆

Itu perjumpaan pertama aku.. setelahnya ngga pernah liat dengan mata terbuka lagi.
Semua aku tau cuman dari bau, tutup mata, dan paling sering lainnya adalah lewat suara.
And the story continue

Aku pernah banget sendirian di salah satu hotel di Bali, tiba2 ada yang ketawa kenceng ditelinga aku.
Sampe lari kabur aku.
Ternyata di hotel itu juga mamaku liat aku lari-lari ke parkiran, dikejar, padahal aku di dalem kamar sama my dad and sis.
Belom lagi banyak jimat di depan villa kamar kita.

Masih di rumah lama lagi..
Siang-siang aku lagi makan bareng my mom..
Ada suara oma dari kamar manggil "Jing…. (my chinese name)"
Aku jawab "bentar Bo"

Lalu manggil lagi "Jingggg…"

Aku langsung lari bilang "iyaaaa"

Dan aku masuk kamar ga ada orang. Mami aku bingung. Mami aku bilang "km bicara sama sapa? Cari sapa?"

Aku bilang "mana Bobo? Aku dipanggil panggil"

Mamiku langsung kaget soalnya dia ngga denger suara apa-apa.

Pernah juga waktu kuliah di Singapore.
Satu pagi si mbak pernah bilang "siapa ya semalem mandi jam 3 pagi? Aku tungguin. Waktu pintu kebuka ta lihat udah ngga ada orang. Malem banget mandinya"

Aku cuma mikir kayaknya itu koko-koko yang rent kamar tengah soalnya mereka yang suka pulang malem. Lalu ngga pernah ada ceritaan lainnya.

One day aku ketemu tetangga singaporean, ngobrol, dia nanya "kamu baik-baik kan? Ngga ada yang gangguin?" Aku ngga "ngeh" dan bilang everything is good.

Sampe satu malem, jam 3 pagi, aku kebangun kebelet pee.. (screw you bladder kenapa mesti subuh 😭😭😭)
Kamar mandi di house itu terpisah antara buat mandi dan yang buat buang air.
Yang buat mandi ada kaca gitu, blurry tapi bisa tau di dalem ada orang ga.

Aku keluar kamar dan denger ada yang mandi. Aku lewatin aja dan sempet nengok dari kaca tapi ga ada bayangan apa-apa.
Aku masuk ke kamar kecil. Doing my business.
Sambil mikir edan mandi subuh.
And again aku kaget mendadak and DAMN! i remembered itu cerita mbak dan liat tadi ga ada bayangan orang di dalem.

Aku komat kamit baca doa. And damn, airnya dimatiin pas aku selesai pee juga.

Aku mikir "tamat aku tamat tamat tamat! Gimana kalo aku buka pintu lalu dia juga pintu? Kalo kosong aku pingsan, kalo liat lainnya aku pingsan juga"

Aku diem lama. Yang dikamar mandi juga diem lama. Ga ada suara handuk dan lainnya.

Akirnya aku nekad buka pintu trus lari ke kamar. Kunci. Tutup selimut sambil buka telinga lebar-lebar.

Pintu kamar mandi kebuka KRIEKKKK….
Trus hening, ga ada suara.
Padahal semua pintu di rumah itu berbunyi. Ga mungkin bisa dibuka pelan tanpa ada suara.

Habis mandi hilanggg… ngga ada suara masuk kamar.

Persis cerita si mbak. Dia buka pintu cepet2 setelah kamar mandi dibuka tapi gone… ngga ada orang.

Itu sedikit dari pengalaman-pengalaman yang aku alami.

Kalo ditanya, sekarang gimana?
Ya sesekali masih cium bau khas nya…
Sesekali denger ada yang lari-lari padahal ga ada orang.
Dan ya masih tau kalo ada yang ngamatin…. tapi aku uda ngga pernah nyoba tutup mata dan cari tau sosoknya kayak apa.

Aku suka horror tapi aku juga parno sendiri. I know ini kontras banget ya…

Aku doa sungguh-sungguh aku ngga mau bisa begituan.. ngga mau bisa liat yang begituan. Ngga mau bisa tau apa yang ada di balik pintu ato gudang gelap kalo aku tutup mata. Ngga mau kalo dikonfirmasi ke anak yang punya sixth sense lalu apa yang aku liat selalu bener..
Ngga mau………

Dan itu jarang terjadi lagi.

Mungkin yang ngga sengaja terjadi ya kalo emang aku lagi ngelamun ato "mereka" yang emang lagi ngeliatin diri mereka.
Tapi sekali lagi, aku ngga pernah coba tutup mata dan liat wujudnya apa.
Entah kemampuannya udah hilang dan doa terjawab atau masih ada… i don't wanna know 😊

Tapi mungkin udah hilang sih ya.
Soalnya kalo Darren anak aku nangis liat ke satu titik dan matanya kayak ngikutin gerakan ada yang pindah gitu, aku kok merasanya adem ayem aja ga ada apa-apa.
Aku cuman bilang "jangan ganggu" lalu peluk dia dan ajak doa aja.

If you ask me, "kamu percaya hantu itu ada?" IYA aku percaya.
Tapi aku ngga percaya kalo itu orang yang kita tau.

Aku yakin itu cuman roh jahat yang ngambil wujud mereka. Ngambil ingatan dan lainnya.

Aku percaya yang sudah meninggal semua ke satu tempat perhentian sebelom saat mereka diadili ke surga atau neraka. Tapi semua nunggu di sana. Ngga ada yang terbang gentayangan.
This is what i believe.

I don't believe in mediums.. i don't believe in arwah penasaran atau yang tugasnya belom selesai.

Aku percayanya ada yang pake memory dan wujud mereka aja entah untuk apapun itu. Walo emang banyak cerita yang sejujurnya make sense kalo itu arwah penasaran atau emang yang dipanggil adalah arwah yang uda meninggal. Soalnya kok semua tau dan lainnya.

Aku cuman percaya sama keyakinanku huahahaha dan entah kenapa walo sempet mikir sana sini, i end up stick on what i believe lagi dan lagi…

Hohoho ini Jumat yang seru yah dan jadi pembahasan aku yang beda banget di blog ini.

Walau bahasa penulisannya kadang kocak, formal, kadang casual atau too good to be true, tapi itu semua kejadian nyata. Bukan copy paste cerita orang. Aku ngga bangga kok bisa ngerasain. Adanya serem sendiri. Jadi ngga perlu ngarang cerita 🙂

Dan jangan kebawa takut bacanya yah hahahaha i hope you guys enjoy reading this sebagai sharing aku aja (Congratsss you know me better now! 😆 #gakpenting)

Dan percayalah dengan DOA ❤️ perlindungan dan keajaiban Tuhan cuman sejauh doa kok.. sejauh iman.

Aku setakut apapun, doa juga bisa tidur pules. Ngga diganggu.

Bukti konkrit lagi, aku paling takut sama yang kejadian di Singapore. Itu horror buat aku. Kalo di rumah lama yang horror si adek yah soalnya dia yang tidurnya disampingnya 😆

Pas aku di kamar mandi, walo takut banget tapi tetep doa. Itu iman aku kayaknya hampir ga ada deh..
Liatin "dia" juga nunggu diem kan di kamar mandi satunya. Dia bisa aja keluar duluan. Di mana aku pasti pingsan juga di kamar mandi, ga berani buka pintu. Gimana kalo ditungguin kan 😭😆😁

Ternyata engga kan.. aku bisa keluar duluan. God is good. Apapun itu bikin perhitungannya "dia" milih diem aja dulu. Toh nanti dia keluar abis buka pintu lalu hilang aku juga uda ngeri dan membekas selamanya.

Dan sejauh ini, aku sama adek aku ngga ada yang ganggu ato jahilin ato jahatin. Jangan lupa berdoa yah 🙏🏻

Semoga hari kalian semua menyenangkan dan malem ini ngga ada gangguan 😆😁 *grin*

Little Voice

Hello good morning dear readers ❤️

This post is just another random thought and kind of self reflection for me.. so please pardon me if you got boring while reading it 🙂

You know that inside every one of us, there's a sanctuary for the little voice.

Little voice that will remind us, warn us, and sometimes talk back to us when we are wondering and lost.

This little voice usually says a good and positive vibes.

As the time goes by, do you still hear it often? When does the last time it speak to you?

They said…. the more obedient you are, then the voice will talk often and vice versa, the more you ignore, you will hear no more from it.

For me, i prefer to hear it often. How calming it is when the storm of life come, and everything like trembles and falls into pieces, yet i don't feel alone. Every negative thought and  desperation were driven away.

But of course, to be able to hear it often, we need to nurture it.

We need to take words of encouragement from God's promises. We need to believe that. We need to consume a lot of "positive pills" and load it into our brain and heart.

And when the little voice speaks, we need to obey. We need to be quiet and reflect, and do it 😊

and then we will hear from it often, everytime we need alarm in this life 😊

This little voice…. often become a blessing to my situation. It keeps my mouth and anger shut, thus lead to wonderful harmony of relationship.

This little voice…. helps me to think better and wiser.

This little voice…. saves me from desperation.

I am not a perfect man, i do ignore and keep my ears shut sometimes.. i do let the voice become an echo… just an empty echo…

But I cherish the little voice inside of me. Trying my best to "feed" this little voice often, so it knows that there's a welcome place for it to stay.

So let's give the little voice one more time to shine in the darkness inside of us..

And be the light..

To remind us..

To stay in the right path of life.

Little voice little voice..

You are not only an echo in my head…

You are not only shadow in the heart…

You are part of me, waiting to light out the dark..

So let's fight this darkest hour together.

You and me..

Remind me… encourage me… never depart..

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