Comparing Habit

Hi Everyone. How are you doing?

Today I want to talk a lil bit about Parenting. And today’s topic is “Comparing Habit”.

Everyone of us born unique and different from one another.

I really don’t like when people start comparing one to another, and that comparison words usually will not elevate someone value or motivate to do better, they end up hurting feeling and breaking self image.

How many of you have experience the same?

“Oh look! Your cousin in genius! She got scholarship. She always studies hard. When will you make me proud and be like her?”

“Oh dear, my bff kid just got his Phd. And what are you doing here? I could be more proud if you study med science back then” 

Or maybe just as simple as this scenario:

“Hoaa your son is so adorable (talking to A). And hello you little baby, why are you so shy? Is your mom never bring you out and meet new people? (Talking to you) And by the way, it is not good to your son personality bla bla bla bla”

Sad huh?

I’m pretty blessed coz i was the first born child in the family. No one could compare me with anyone of course.

But this thing happen to my sis and cousin which happen to born in the same year, same age, same school, same friends.

Over years they have this insecurity and jealousy towards one another. (now they’re mature enough to settle things down, love one another and no more jealousy and insecurities).

My husband was raised and compared hardly to his cousins too, and it make him sad. 

Now that i have a son, i don’t want him to experience the same.

A word of motivation is definitely needed for one to improve to be better man. But ringing out the wrong sentence and intonation could change everything, including self image and self worthy.

See friends, the key here is to choose your words wisely, and how you deliver it to the person you are talking to.

If you want to give a hint that you want your kid to do the same (example: got top rank at school)

Instead of focusing on his/her lack and keep on pointing the good things their rival achieved, support them. Appreciate them. Elevate them.

You can always use this kind of sentence like “Hey baby, i know you’re doing good. And i know you can do even better! I know that you haven’t yet released your full potential. Let’s work this together. I believe you too can get the top rank” instead of 

“study hard! If he/she could do it, why can’t you? I pay much for your tuition, just dont make me anymore discourage” or things like 

“their parents are so good. Envy them. How i wish you can score top rank too. Maybe you are not hard working enough.”

•••

If we already take our role to always elevate and motivate our kids, how about other people who throw those negative words in front of their face?

Well we cannot filter their words. But we can always give explanation to our kids and friends. Before the words become nasty sword to the heart, you can always stop that one family/friend continuing their words. Explain in better choice of words.

•••

Dear friends, become parents aint easy. We will be judge anyway. Our acts, our standards will always create a question mark for others.

Start from giving birth normally or c-section, breastmilk or formula milk, nanny or no, and many more.

People will talk about you because you undergo c-sec instead of normal birth. People will ask why your kid skip crawling, why your kid always cranky and compare to others and said that your parenting method is fail and else. 

And then you started to believe that you’re running on the wrong path, you’re not good enough to become parents. And worse.

Let’s care less about the method. About the standard.

We may believe in different values. Don’t bother!

What important is to raise a happy, healthy, and smart kid. That’s all matter.

I’ve been told many times that my baby is too cranky. I need to push him sleeps by himself. Don’t always carry him. Let him cries till he asleep.

Tell you, hell not! My baby will start vomit after 10 mins crying. And who will clean up the mess? Those who tell me to do this and that? Noo. They will say “try again tomorrow. U got to do that”

And everytime the same things happen.

Till i asked the pediatric. And he said that not to worry. It will not affect my baby personality and intelligent. It is just a matter of his sleeping habbit. And more important is for the baby to have enough sleep. As he grows up, he will learn by himself.

See…. if they keep telling me i am not good, i cant understand my son, and else, soon i will devastated and burn out.

We’re all grown up. We’re all mature enough to filter the words and influence we want in our life. Not for denial of course.

But it is always good to remember that you’re loved! You’re unique! And you too are great!! So do everything in your power to do good, to be better, and to settle thing just the way you like it. As long as it is for good things, the force will always be with you! 🙂

And no matter how good you are, there will always people who mock and questioned you. So, dont give up and keep doing the best.

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